My Aunt and Friend, Leila Benitez
/
Leila and Don McCollum hosted a family dinner in their New York apartment. L to R: Francisco Valeriano, Patricia Araneta, Frank Cruz, Vivian Talambiras Cruz, Emma Benitez Valeriano, Leila. At the back are Don McCollum and Martin Simpson.
I have fleeting memories of seeing her in our home on R. Hidalgo, where I grew up, even remembering scenes such as how I once caught a glimpse of her with one of her suitors on his knees, of her wearing nice party dresses and looking glamorous and coy. I also remember that after she had gotten married and had her first child, my cousin Gerry, she and her family lived in a small apartment off Dewey (Roxas) Boulevard. I do not recall very much more than that.
Some time in my childhood, my parents separated, and my siblings and I were parted from my mother’s immediate family although we remained close to the Benitezes of Mariposa Street, the family of Lolo Conrado and Lola Francisca. My only contact with Tita Leila then might have been as one of the occasional viewers of “Student Canteen.” I do not recall -- or maybe choose to forget -- any further contacts.
“Tita Leila had a robust personality, one that would make you think that though the years may pass, you would meet again; that she would always be there.”
Many years passed before we actually met again. When I returned to Manila after college in California, I took a job as Public Relations Assistant at the Sheraton Philippines, eventually the Savoy Philippines Hotel. Among those who mentored me in my job was Bobby Ledesma, who had been a co-host with Tita Leila in “Student Canteen.” Eventually, I became the Social Director of the hotel and through its many events, I would meet up with Tita Leila as we were both in the same profession. She had then become the Social Director of the Hotel Inter-Continental Manila. We met as peers, as adults in the same profession. I do remember how much I enjoyed knowing her then. No matter how many years had lapsed, meeting her on this level was warm and, in many ways, familiar. We would see each other in social events and galas. She once invited me to guest in a TV show she was then hosting. We would be at the same parties and, somehow, she always seemed happy to see me. I surmise that this was for two reasons; to witness how I had grown up and also to be able to share with her sister, my mother, with whom I had not yet reconciled, accounts of me and my milieu.
When I left my job at the Savoy Philippines Hotel, my then-secretary said that she would also like to resign. She was a good secretary, so I recommended her to Tita Leila. And Tita Leila was so understanding of the situation, so kind and accommodating that she actually took Lourdes in at the Inter-Con to hold the same position she had with me. That is something that I will never forget.
At an “Evening with Sarah Vaughn” at the Savoy Philippines Hotel, where the author (2nd left) was Social Director and Leila (2nd right) was Social Director at the Hotel Inter-Continental Manila.
So now we were in touch. We were friends more than we were aunt and niece. Eventually, I moved on again and went to live in New York. Those were in the heady days before martial law. It took me a while to finally get settled in a studio in the Upper East Side. While I was there, I would have friends in transition who would come and stay with me, and one of them was Tita Leila. She had been doing a promotional tour for the Philippines in Europe. By then, I had stopped calling her Tita. She became TL to me. And this time around we really were more like family; I had reconciled with my mom and there was now that close association with her and her sister. TL was fun to be with, so much fun that on one occasion, I had to ask her to please tone down the noise as the neighbors had -- well complained. That’s one friend speaking with another, not a niece to an aunt. She was a great roommate. She would prepare the best meals and would squirt lemon on just about everything she cooked. Eventually, she found her own apartment and my meals became quite bland.
Fast forward to years later. I returned to the Philippines and became very involved in community development work and in the processes of civil society that paralleled the United Nations Conference on Environment and Development (UNCED). Oftentimes, I would find myself in New York to attend meetings. Occasionally, I would stay with Tita Leila and Uncle Don. Or I would ask my cousin Gerry, who was managing a hotel, to book me a room on special rates. Even with those arrangements, I would visit with Tita Leila. She was always so hospitable and generous, warm and caring, which made me want to extend my visits. It was also a time when I had a chance to get to know and appreciate my cousins, Gerry and Gil. That was in the ‘90s and lasted for a few years. After that I moved to London, where I remained for many years. I did not have a chance to see Tita Leila again. We had occasional phone calls, but not much. Almost a decade ago when I visited with my mom in Bethesda, Maryland, we had a chance to see each other, but she postponed that visit and we missed each other altogether.
Leila, left, and Emma, right, with their mother, Rosenda Lavadia Benitez.
Tita Leila had a robust personality, one that would make you think that though the years may pass, you would meet again; that she would always be there. This is how one tends to feel with people who are always there for you. Their physical presence is overtaken by the bonds you create in life and that are strengthened by memories of times together and even of the food and drink you’ve shared. Life, as they say, or at least my life, has been one of meetings and partings, and in such cases one must learn to keep only the essentials in the heart and remember them forever.
Rest in peace, TL. Vaya con Dios. Until we meet again.
Patricia Araneta promotes traditional arts and crafts and the importance of cultural heritage through interdisciplinary and multi-dimensional education. She is Southeast Asia Project Manager for The Prince’s Foundation School of Traditional Arts, a trustee of the Philippine Women’s University. She directs an education program for the Calamian Tagbanwa in Coron-Busuanga, and is guest curator for an exhibition on indigenous Philippine textiles for the Ayala Museum.
More articles from Patricia Araneta