Love (And Life) In The Time Of Coronavirus, Part 4
/It certainly has been the most challenging and scariest time in my life, but also the most quiet, peaceful and reflective. Now I understand what people who are very sick go through: not knowing if they will survive the illness, they pray really hard; happy memories flood the brain and they are not sure when they can hug and kiss family members and friends again; thoughts of survival persist and promises are made to change lives drastically; and inspiring acts of kindness and compassion restore faith in God and mankind. Yes, I have been feeling and thinking all of these during my confinement, and at times I’ve felt desperate, but it also has given me hope.
My meetings with my son and his family have progressed from the driveway/living room to the patio/dining room. We were able the share meals about three weeks ago, with tables spread six feet apart and meals prepared on individual take-out boxes. The only deterrent was the cold wind blowing during early evenings. On Mother’s Day, we had dinner indoors. My dining table is long enough that we occupied different ends. Yesterday, they came over for a swim and I sat in one corner, dipping my feet in the water. Slowly, things are getting back to normal, but I still can’t hug or kiss them.
Dinner at patio/dining room
I talked about finally being able to go to the parlor for my facial and massage, and my son warned me that it may still not be safe. At the same time, he said “the safest time may actually be now if they are open, as not many people are there. But once they open, you can’t control who they are coming in contact with.” But wouldn’t it be like this until they find a cure?
My cousin-in-law, who works at the VA Hospital, contracted COVID-19. His wife, a nurse, also got it while caring for him at home. He is still not allowed to go back to work since he keeps testing alternately positive and negative. She, on the other hand, was forced to go back to work after only one week of being symptom-free, without any additional testing. Her superior said that they cannot afford another 14-days of quarantine because they do not have enough workers. With her husband’s lost income, she had no choice but to go back to work. She is fearful of passing on the virus to the patients, if she still has it.
My friend’s mother died a few weeks ago in Manila, not COVID-19 related. She and her siblings are all in the U.S. and unable to go to Manila at this time. She was told of the death only by phone from a relative, but has not been able to talk to the attending physician to find out what really happened. Her mother was in ICU for seven weeks. She suspects that her mother was not taken care of properly and the family wants an autopsy; but how do you prove this amid everything else that was going on in the hospital? The grief of not being able to say goodbye and the guilt of not being there (even if you wanted to) is deeply painful for the family. Then there is the mounting hospital bill that needs to be paid, I suspect, in the millions of pesos. Welcome to death in the time of coronavirus.
Lloyd and I ventured out for the first time on his birthday last May 20. We heard that the Napa area would be opening restaurants that weekend, so we went. Our first try was Morimoto in Napa, but the sign said it was closed. We ended up in Napa Noodles, recommended by a friend. It had all kinds of Asian noodles, including adobo with pancit. Not bad. It felt so good to be out and to have a leisurely drive. Maybe we can do this twice a month?
Lloyd LaCuesta at his 73rd birthday
Families are getting more creative on how to use their children’s time, after online classes. Coincidentally, both my sons produced videos. Paolo and the kids did a Mother’s Day video using Lego pieces. Carlo and his family also produced a video for Xavier’s class, which was shared by the teacher with everyone. I’m sure many families are going through conflicting emotions right now: love and joy to be around the children, and at the same time, hoping for a break. No need to feel ashamed or guilty. We have all been there.
The reflective part of this piece is about growing old in the time of COVID-19. I have said many times that growing old is so unfair. After you work hard while you were younger, you expect (and are entitled to) your ageing years to be at least healthy with minimal financial and emotional issues, and have quality time with people you love. But Fate has other things in store for us. With fading memories, we cannot even enjoy the simple pleasures of remembering loved ones and friends. What we thought would give us comfort during our twilight years, has gone dark. All of a sudden, our world is smaller as friends and acquaintances die ahead of us. I remember once telling my father to take his classmates on a cruise so they could bond for one last time, and he replied with a blank stare, “They are all dead. I am the only one left.”
Even if caring for our elderly is part of our Filipino culture, I personally, do not want to burden any of my sons. They have their own lives. So, when my time comes near, I want to go back to the Philippines so I can be taken care of by compassionate and loving caregivers/nurses, something that nursing homes here lack.
There is discrimination now against older Americans. We are told that we are not needed, that we are draining the social security system, that we can be the guinea pigs in this COVID-19 experiment, that our time has come and gone, and now it is time to give up for the younger generation. That’s the problem today: there is always somebody else to blame when something goes wrong. During our time, we discussed options and worked together to solve a problem. Now they just want certain groups of people removed or deported like the Asians (it’s not just the Chinese because they cannot differentiate among different ethnicities), the Mexicans, the Jews, etc. thinking this will solve their problems. In all my 70 years, I have never seen hate so virulent and violent than it is today, and frankly, it scares me.
Yes, we had hoped that as we grow old, we can enjoy nature and the world more, but only if there is still something left worth enjoying. So despite what others say, we must be vigilant in keeping this planet safe. And yes, we should try to enjoy our lives for the remainder of our years, whatever it takes, wherever it takes us, whenever it is time to go. We only have one chance left.
This will probably be the last of my musings on Love (and Life) in the Time of Coronavirus, unless something drastically happens in the next few months. Thank you for reading and for sending in your comments. From my family to yours, please continue to take precautions in protecting your life and that of others.
My two graduates, Ashley from high school and Xavier from kindergarten