Looking for Love in All the Wrong URLs
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(Source: Pixabay)
Anna is petite and pretty, and suitors were not wanting. A few relationships lasted for several years, but ended for one reason or another, until Robert (not his real name) came into Anna’s life. Robert was already separated for several years from his wife when he met Anna. He came from a well-to-do and well-connected family, and knew most of Anna’s social circle. He had children with his ex-wife, whom Anna got along with; but most important of all, he treated Anna’s son like his own.
Everything seemed perfect. They were together for more than 20 years, although never married. They lived in different houses, but they were together almost every day, and in public, people acknowledged they were a “couple.” Then two years ago, Robert started feeling sick and was diagnosed with lung cancer. In four months, he was dead, and everyone, including Anna, was in shock, disbelief, and in grief.
Since Robert’s death, Anna has had to adjust to a life on her own again. Her only son got married and was now spending more time with his wife and newborn son. The loneliness wasn’t too bad, but when the pandemic broke out, single people like Anna were left more vulnerable and alone.
“Not all women who have been targets of online romance scams were as lucky as Anna.”
Anna’s son, to help his mother combat loneliness, downloaded a Scrabble Go game on her phone so she could connect with other players, and included her photo. Little did he or she know that this would be the start of a frightening experience. Soon she was getting requests from men to “play” the game and “chat.” One of them, who called himself, Antonio Ellison, said he was a head surgeon in a peacekeeping mission in Iraq. He said that his wife left him when his daughter died and took all the money. He added that he had a ten-year old son who lived with a nanny in Los Angeles. Furthermore, he claimed to own four houses. He even sent Anna a photo of him in medical attire, and a photo with his son.
Soon, Robert asked Anna to go to “hangouts” so they could chat privately. Soon, he would send poems and love letters, professing his love for Anna. Soon, he said he would visit her. Soon, he started asking for money -- $1,000 to buy his son a new phone because the son had lost his phone. Lucky for Anna, she still had her wits about her, and refused. Not all women who have been targets of online romance scams were as lucky as Anna.
Anna asked me if I would write about this so other women could be warned. I did some research and I’d like to share with you what I discovered. Notice how similar the scam’s modus operandi is with Anna’s story.
Romance scammers create fake profiles on dating sites, apps, or contact their targets from social media sites like Instagram, Facebook or Google Hangouts. The scammers take on other, more ordinary identities: businessman, contractor or soldier. “The Internet makes this type of crime easy because you can pretend to be anybody you want to be,” FBI special agent Christine Beining said. “You can be anywhere in the world and victimize people.”
The scammers will profess love quickly and express strong emotions in a relatively short period of time. The potential mate will claim that he lives in another part of the country or to be abroad for business or on a military deployment. He will suggest to move the relationship to a private channel like email or a chat app.
The scammer’s photo is fake. It is someone else’s taken from social media. You can run the image through Google Image Search or TinEye to see where else it might appear online, according to ProfileHelper.com. Copy and paste a couple of sentences from the other person’s profile into Google, and see if it pops up on other dating sites.
The victims tend to be widowed or divorced women in their fifties, targeted by criminal syndicates usually based in Nigeria, according to the FBI. The victims are emotionally vulnerable. “Con artists are able to hone in on that vulnerability because potential ‘marks’ post openly about their lives and dreams on social media and dating sites.” Scammers can twist their profiles to reflect whomever they’re talking to. Recently divorced? So is your online suitor. Have a kid in college? What a coincidence – he does too!
The older the victim, the heavier the financial toll, according to the FTC. The median individual loss for people aged 70 and over was $10,000, compared with $2,600 for all victims. In 2016, the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center received close to 15,000 reports of “romance scams” amounting to more than $230 million in losses.
Men have also been victimized. A gay man in Vancouver said he lost $50,000 to a man he met on an online dating site. He said, “Love is very powerful, even when it’s fake. Love can make you do anything.”
The victims become sick with shame and humiliation. Many elderly victims are often confused, fearful or too embarrassed by the crime to report it. According to an AARP survey, 53 percent of those scammed say they experienced emotional distress and/or health problems as a result of the scam. And, however tempting it is to get even, some victims have had their families threatened or sent malware that destroyed their computer.
A Pew Research Center study revealed that nearly 60 percent of U.S. adults consider online dating a good way to meet people, and Match.com, one of the most popular dating sites, says people 50 and older represent its fastest-growing share of users. But scammers are lurking, so those searching for love and Mr. Right need to be careful. It’s one of the oldest cons there is and scammers exploit the victims’ vulnerability, trust, and a longing for love.
(Image by Sea Brand Design)
This checklist may help you: Do take it slowly. Ask a lot of questions and watch out for inconsistencies. Check his photo. Don’t give your photo or share any personal information that he can use for extortion later on. Be wary of expressive emotions too early in the game, and question his inability to meet with you. Cut off the contact immediately if you suspect something is not right, and notify the dating site and/or the FBI.
Feelings of loneliness and isolation affect people of all ages and the elderly are especially more impacted. The death of a loved one also triggers loneliness. One Next Avenue reader said, “After losing my best friend, Mom – every day when I would pick up the phone to call…no one to call anymore.” And in the age of the pandemic, feelings of disconnectedness and isolation are more prevalent.
Anna hoped that her new “online friend” was real, and for a while, he offered her hope that she could find love again. She looked forward to his calls and chats. It made her feel alive again. But instead, the experience increased her doubts and made her more wary of starting another relationship. She needs to build her confidence again… and heal.
